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anthrstatofmind

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:) :) :) :) [Wednesday, September 27th, 2006 @ 9:36pm]
[ mood | happy ]

every day i love her just a little bit more a little bit more a litttttle bit more........every day i love her just a little bit more and she loves me the same :)

3 Siths | join the dark side

she said she loves me ...... [Thursday, August 17th, 2006 @ 10:15am]
[ mood | giddy ]

and i couldnt be happier :)

10 Siths | join the dark side

sad sad times..... [Sunday, July 30th, 2006 @ 3:18pm]
[ mood | blank ]

i havent updated in quite some time and well this is because i feel like venting lately ive been feeling like im going nowhere in fucking life and it blows i dont have a job and its been bumming me out cause i live on a couch in my friend tonys house and it sucks ass i mean i love the people that live there and its all fun to have parties every night but it gets tiring real fast i dont eat as much as i used to and im getting really skinny im sure ive lost about 5-10 pounds already most of my pants dont even fit me anymore and im disgusted at that i feel like packing up all of my shit and just moving which actually could have been a possibilty yeah i would have gone way across country but i dont care at this point im so sick of what this fucking place has to offer and im so sick of struggling that i want to do it but then i think about aylla and how much i care about her and how much i cant leave her especially after fighting so hard to get her back and to top it all off my roomate johnny tried to commit suicide and it kinda just pushed me over the edge im really overwhelmed right now and its just ahh i dont know what to do with myself i need to bring myself out of this rut so yeah but i do have aylla to make me smile constantly even though shes in freaking san fran for a week i already miss her well -tootles

7 Siths | join the dark side

I Hate.... [Monday, May 8th, 2006 @ 6:36pm]
[ mood | irate ]

i hate you for not loving me....i hate you for the accusations you have said to me.....i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate youi hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you.............you are dead to me.....i hate you

2 Siths | join the dark side

well its love its love its looooooooooove! [Thursday, May 4th, 2006 @ 7:54pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

every time i see your face all i can do is smile.......all i can see is how beautiful you are and it makes me smile so much......i wish the circumstances were different and i wish i would have done things so much more differently....i know that im not perfect and i know nobody is but with you i would try with every part of me to be as perfect as i could............i would never take you for granted...i love how when i go to sleep at night i can see a image of you laughing and how much that makes me laugh and when i wake up in the morning im still laughing.....i love how i could never be mad at you for anything and even when we argued it was for fun and to see who would cave first(i never did :D)i love how calling each other names is how we get our kicks when mostly everyone else would get mad at each other.....i like how i would get woken up at 730 in the morning and first being mad cause i was woken up that early but seeing the text message and forgetting about being woken up cause i was happy about the text......i love knowing that just being with you is enough.....I love.......

1 Sith | join the dark side

another beauty...... [Monday, May 1st, 2006 @ 5:43pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

thank the loyal servants for being so loyal,
soon they'll be happy and very safe;
if not, sent off like a pigeon with his head cut off.
if it wasn't for the guillotine, there would be no umbilical
cord. isn't it pitiful? at our pinnical,
they make it sound so pinnocchio.
that's how i know it's so dumb, it could even write its own article.
give me a break, the great big break that breaks your back
and chews my fingers off
'til it's safe to laugh again, or at them.
put the coals back in my eyes again,
and away from the fire that burns out our loved ones
and takes its toll out on me.
'cause good luck is always keeping minutes
we gotta stay in play, so don't run out of tokens.
plus the machine needs warm bodies.
plug the pipes if you still got skulls;
if there's time to muddy the hands
then there's time to study the flow of the blood in the lay of the land
running off and eroding our relatives
with red, white, and blue christmas lights
in the greatest kingdom. i say it's a crop and i'm a lousy meal,
a lousy liar amongst so many bad actresses
and not enough stimuli left to light an oven pilot.
so how can i not be negative?
my own cliche, my would-be peers
more caught up with image than speaking than truth,
and if that's the only truth you can come up with, go fake some bravery
like the rented camaraderie in the human lottery.
whatever year it is, i'm still sick.
can't hate the sky for being gray
or the bad poem that we live out every day.
twenty minutes outside the city, or fifteen years from over the hill,
with enough time to kill braincells to fry;
you all gonna fry with me.
it must be, you all gonna fry with me...

we who die in more flying accidents than firefights;
no cure of the overkill.

forty year-old women with cakes and carriages singing bible hymns
ain't fixing anything; get your picket signs,
go on strike, get a five cent raise; your a champion. now
they're making model citizens out of your children,
mapping personal growth through frivolousness; so seperated,
yet drugged up to nowhereland. even love feels artificial;
happiness, my loaded pistol.
in the '20s, i'da been a socialist in a colorado coal mine,
but it's 2000-something and the rats love their mazes.
it's all so ethnospecific and opinionated,
divided we take our antidepressants and make our appointments,
let the dolphins die, but who's gonna save the humans?
i've been to a million cities and they're all the same:
people laugh and talk the same,
girls all flirt the same, employees all dream the same.
love your grid and your comfort zone,
look out for the white-girl suicide bombers,
look out for your time or your piece of mind
or entertainment above the fifth grade level.
stay ignorant and easily corralled through conservative reforms
'til we're broke from the half-measures,
taxed to the teeth to fund the caste system.
living it up for our stereotypes
and i know nothing, but at least i know;
while they vote green and drink their espressos,
discussing film festivals, all as a write-off. off with your head;
body loves the dirty work,
love your job, but it will never love you like an automobile,
fetuses, peoples, and angels hang the same on the mobile.
if it wasn't for the blindfold, you'd ask,
"what am i looking for, living for, breathing for?"
"who's them? not i, but it must be the plutonium in me."

it must be the plutonium in me...

join the dark side

I R TIR.......ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzz........ [Saturday, April 29th, 2006 @ 4:13pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

3 days of no sleep and my delirium is just to start in hahah oh boy here we go again night number 4 wish me luck haha-someone help me count sheep

join the dark side

sad endings.... [Wednesday, April 19th, 2006 @ 1:39am]
[ mood | rejected ]

as the saying goes if you love her let her go......................... i love her so i had to let her go .....

4 Siths | join the dark side

(insert happiness here) [Friday, April 14th, 2006 @ 2:05pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Damn I wish that she was mine but time and time over the discretion
On my right shoulder whispers to my ear
Advising me to admire from way over here, play the rear
And struggle for the view to clear
It's been 2 years and quite a few beers
Too many loose tears and a few souveniers
And if she only knew, how long I've waited for her
How her smiles enough to make my winter warmer
If she knew the way she walks could take away my storm
She'd probably call the cops and get a restraining order
As much as I hate myself, I hate you more
But I still smile when you come through that door
And as much as I hate my life, I hate yours too
Just can't seem to teach myself to ignore you

4 Siths | join the dark side

JUST TELL HER ALREADY!!!!! [Tuesday, April 4th, 2006 @ 7:22pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

i wish i was so goddamn emotionally dysfunctional i mean most of the time i can say whatever the fuck is on my mind no problem cause i dont care but when it comes to something emotional i get all toungue tied or i cant even get myself to say it which pisses me off cause theres something that i want to say really badly to a certain someone but i cant seem to have the words come out ugh and i dont want to fucking do it via email or some other bullshit like that cause it just would be better in person ya know but oh well i guess i just have to man up and fucking say it already cause i dont want to chicken out and have it be to late and I lose the one thing that i want the most in life well as for tonight im off to incahoots to tear shit up as usual every tuesday and yet i know she is all that will be on my mind as she is right now and i want to call her and say it but then again i still would like to be brave enough to spit it out in person but i already proved to myself that i couldnt cause i chickened out when i had the perfect time to do it oh well someone slap me please and just tell me to stop being a pussy and say it- im a lost cause

2 Siths | join the dark side

havent updated in forever so here you go...... [Friday, March 31st, 2006 @ 1:03pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

a good portion of devotion on sale
to the stale-skinned, rummage-happy everyday troop.
got my bells on: it keeps my ears ringing and peers watching.
wishing i'd stop quietly judging with my mouth open and hands on the switch,
so when they stop the earth, who's ass will your head end up in?
it's most likely you'll never get the perfect tip or learn to take hints.
i want a new television 'cause my books are getting old,
and i'd watch the "news and advertisements" and find a new way to change my life

(guaranteed of course, because the names we trust have,
and will always be, the only answer).
girls like to hold hands; i had my life squeezed out once or twice,
so let's call it even...and well-balanced, like a crock of shit
or a hell of a life on a walking mess to the upscale,
where they sniff dreams off fingernails
and rate life on a scale of personal gain.
mapping out the universe: a wife and kids with no name,
and a big house atop a hill that blocks out the sun for those who can't afford it.
throw some crumbs to the starving idealists.
do they not bleed the same? are they not men?

we got bigger desks now,
and all my ideas are carefully hidden on crumpled paper at my feet.
starving for attention when the demon barely blinks out of this life.
now i'm on the north shore, laughing at my dot com buddies who got laid off,
who needs references anyway?
i've been working for god in all the wrong social circles.

i could have been a programmer, but this much i still am:
not a man or a teacher, just a student in denial
with more to give then they could possibly take.
when there's nothing left to disagree with,
i'll drop off the face of the planet
and give mtv-land back to its rightful owners...you can have it.

there's a replica of comfort and a false sense of stability.
the difference between a blow-up doll floating in a bathtub with slit wrists
and a lost friend only calling to borrow money.
all these days are beneath you,
there are floors to slip and break your neck on
and bottles of vodka you can't see through.
parasite to parasite, what's eating me is eating you.

the absolute hardest thing about being here
is how you wish you could fast-forward the way it drags.
now they got drugs and computers to do that for you
until they can be you, and replace you,
and convince you that they love you.
never meant to harm anything so innocent
that you can't help but hope it gets killed crossing in traffic.

i promised myself i wouldn't kill anything on this song,
but you leave me no choice
'cause i can't complain, and can't believe i'm still
waiting for people, waiting for people
who overextend themselves by saying, "hello,"
i underestimated greediness and how loneliness
will drive entire blocks to pigpile on television sets.
all the clap-on distractions and fade-away inspirations
are the reason i can barely hold a one-sided conversation,
or sit still without knees shaking.
i pull the hair out of my head and wait for bats to fill the room,
but all i get is a receding hairline and another shit-eating grin.

it's sad to leave anyone...

1 Sith | join the dark side

wow its been a long time [Wednesday, February 8th, 2006 @ 6:39pm]
[ mood | sick ]

so yeah i havent even updated on this old thing for days and days and days but yeah all thats happening right now in my life is i got promoted at work and im steadily working my way up to being a manager and on that note me and my store manager agreed that we are going to get a new tattoo every month so im gonna get my right arm done in no time at all and my next one is gonna be the emperor with a electric current going through him thats gonna look badass and lets see what else oh yeah i got stuck with having to go to jury duty on feb 27th which sucks ass cause thats the day of the social d show that was postponed from jan 25th WHICH PISSED ME OFF SO BAD! i drove all the way to the house of blues come to find out it was fucking postponed GOD DAMNIT! anyway continuing on yeah and also on feb 28th i myself have to go to court for a outstanding ticket cause i got pulled over with no license, my tags are expired, and i have no insurance i know lucky me right. yeah so umm lets see what else ive been sick which sucks but im almost better and i missed incahoots this tuesday which always saddens me yeah so umm have fun and make fires-boom shaka laka

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woooo [Friday, January 6th, 2006 @ 1:14am]
yeah so i got my next tattoo on tuesday and damn does it look badass i really like the color in it and all the detal ill get a pic of it on my myspace as soon as i can folks so you can marvel at its beauty-poop
1 Sith | join the dark side

YEAHHHHH FUCKING OMG YEAHHH [Monday, January 2nd, 2006 @ 6:55pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

TOMORROW I GET MY NEW TATTOO DONE HAHDAHSFHW568B7U 794W7 M036YT369Y I CANT WAIT TO BE BACK ON THAT CHAIR AND IF ANYONE IS GOING TO INCAHOOTS ILL SEE YOU THERE AND YOU CAN SEE MY NEW TATTAGE!!1 WOOOOOOOOO-DIE FUCKERS

1 Sith | join the dark side

yeahhhhhh [Monday, December 26th, 2005 @ 9:14pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

so basically one more week till i can get my new tattoo which is gonna fucking own omg i cant freaking wait ahhh and yeah i was talking to my manager today and apparently im gonna be moved up to become a manager at my store sooner then i thought which kicks ass cause ill be making more money and have some pretty cool benefits and yeah umm make sure to get super fucking crunk...faded...fucked up...toasty...sloshed...drunk....and all those other terms for new years cause you know im gonna be muhahahahah!

7 Siths | join the dark side

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